


Hard to Keep

by Mshpiece



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power
Genre: F/F, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, One Shot, Scratching, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-21
Updated: 2018-11-20
Packaged: 2019-08-26 22:12:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16689877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mshpiece/pseuds/Mshpiece
Summary: Series of one-shots inspired from Promise, mostly from Catra's POV. Think broody, angsty longing for something more from Adora.





	1. 1

She clenched her fists, shaking the memories away. Impulsively, she thought about digging her claws into her paws, just to get Adora’s voice out of her fucking head-

Catra’s eyes widened. She glanced down at her paws apprehensively. She loosened them slightly, and retracted a little, pushing her claws against her fur. She applied a little pressure and felt the tips leave small indents. They felt like they’d burst if she pushed more, but Catra knew that wouldn’t happen. The skin would tear, some blood would trickle out, and if she kept pushing, there’d be more blood.

She’d seen enough blood to last her a lifetime.

Catra pulled back her claws and outstretched her paws. She’d made herself bleed enough with Shadow Weaver’s manipulation transcending into her own intrusive thoughts. She didn’t need to make herself bleed over _Adora_.

Adora. Ugh, can’t she get _over_ her?

Pulling her arms back at her side, Catra traced the pipe railing with her tail, almost whimsically. It was almost cute that she couldn’t keep her best friend out of her head for more than a minute at a time. It spoke volumes to how loyal she was. Maybe she could write that on a resume or cover letter. Not that it’d be any good. Shadow Weaver hated her guts. She _fawned_ over Adora.

Adora, who couldn’t even be bothered to drop back in to let Catra know she was leaving.

Augh, how could she be so stupid? Obviously, she wouldn’t be considerate like that. Adora was always so self-absorbed. She never saw all the times Shadow Weaver grabbed Catra aside, or all the ways the team had ganged up on her. There was a damn reason she slept in Adora’s bed; it’s because all the other members of their precinct got their kicks out by picking on a cat.

She was grateful for the colloquialism of “nine lives” – hopefully it was a guarantee. Catra had no idea how many were left.

Catra pulled her arms in to her face and buried a scowl. She felt her lungs aching – how pathetic. She was so tormented, she was in physical pain. Over Adora? This was embarrassing.

She kicked the railing. Fuck that. Fuck all of this. Adora left her. She needed to get over it – Adora clearly had gotten over it. She had dropped her like she was nothing.

So much for promises.


	2. 2

“Catra! You’re bleeding,” Adora’s voice cried.

Immediately licking over the cut, Catra hid the blood and wiped the tears off her face. Easier said than done, with matted fur, anyways. “No I’m not,” she said, instinctively hiding her shaking, sob-ridden voice.

She didn’t need the darling dearest making a scene over her.

Catra turned her head away stubbornly when Adora moved closer, and groaned when Adora sat next to her on the bed. Adora gingerly took one of her paws, and Catra had to refrain from swiping her.

“Why did you scratch yourself?” Adora asked softly.

“It was an accident,” Catra lied, not bothering to hide a growl.

She pulled her arm back roughly. Adora flinched slightly, pulling her arms back.

Catra rolled her eyes. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to scratch _you_.”

“I didn’t think you were going to,” Adora said softly.

“Ugh,” Catra said, standing up. “You don’t have to act like I’m so fragile.”

Adora didn’t say anything. She stayed on the bed, glancing at the floor.

Catra pulled her paws in front of her face and hissed. She wanted to lash out, scratch up the bedding, the walls, her hair, herself-

“Catra.”

Adora’s arms were around hers and Catra found herself back on the bed. Adora was gently stroking her back.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

Catra felt her eyes well up with tears. She pulled in closer to Adora.

“You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to.”

Nodding, Catra closed her eyes. She curled up, exhaling slowly.

Adora’s hand kept a steady warmth. She kept petting down Catra’s back, calming her.

“Thanks,” Catra mumbled, moving her paw to her lips.

“Yeah,” Adora said. She paused – then added “Don’t hurt yourself anymore, okay?”

Catra opened her eyes, and glanced over to a wall, hard.

It was moments like this that she was painfully aware of how different she and Adora really were. It didn’t matter that she had promised they’d look out for each other. You can’t look out for someone when you don’t see what they do.

_I wonder if she thinks I’m weak_ , Catra thought angrily. Maybe if she was being picked on by everyone – even by Shadow Weaver – she’d be weaker too. Maybe she’d get it.

Catra closed her eyes again and held close to Adora. Even if she couldn’t see, she was still there. And that had to count for something.


End file.
